Today I feel the grip of grief. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to escape its clutch upon my heart. And yet, my soul is not anxious to find a place far from this shadow of death. For it is truly in this dark place, in this wilderness of my soul, that I find God to be so near.
I am no stranger to grief's hold. I have known it now for fifteen years. And over this past decade and a half, I have come to realize that I must eventually surrender to my grief.
In one sense, I find myself asking this today ~ Has it really been 15 years? And then I hear my heart ask ~ Has it really been ONLY 15 years?
I recall so vividly that phone call, fifteen years ago this very hour. I remember the thirty hours of waiting with hope only to be forced to reconcile my heart to the horrific reality of brain death.
Yet, as I reflect on my journey of grief, I can truly say that I am grateful for God's unlimited provision of comfort, grace and peace. He has remained faithful to His Word ~
He keeps count of my tossings and put my tears in His bottle.
He draws near to my broken heart and saves my crushed spirit.
I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth,a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.
How blessed I am when I mourn, for I will know God's comfort.
– Matthew 5:4
I can rejoice that He does not waste my sorrow. That through the things He has taught me along this path of sorrow, I can say of Scott, as the author of Hebrews said of Abel ~
Though he be dead, he still speaks.
And if I can trust Him with this great loss, I can have confidence in His promise of reunion ~
But I do not want you to be uninformed, Bonnie,
about those who are asleep,
that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.
For since you believe that Jesus died and rose again,
even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him
those who have fallen asleep.
For this I declare to you by a word from the Lord,
that you who are alive,
who are left until the coming of the Lord,
will not precede those who have fallen asleep.
For the Lord himself will descend from heaven
with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel,
and with the sound of the trumpet of God.
And the dead in Christ will rise first.
Then you who are alive, who are left,
will be caught up together with them ~ with Scott ~
in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air,
and so we will always be with the Lord.
Therefore encourage one another with these words.
– I Thess. 4:13-18
Photo: Christ in Agony by Michael O'Brien